Life is good.
You can get up in the morning and accomplish a lot of things.
You teach Sunday school.
Praise and worship songs are your favorite.
Life is good,
Then, something happens. Someone says the wrong thing to you at the wrong time or the wrong place. And suddenly you are swimming – no drowning in levels of pain you had tucked away.
Why did that have to show up?
You have to get out of that pain as fast as possible. You go with the quickest fix.
Extreme physical labor
Taking it out on someone that wasn’t even involved
Because, you know this game. It will work, for awhile. The pain will be pushed back down to it’s proper place. The world will be okay again. If you are one of the talented ones, it will look like you are farther ahead. Bigger paycheck or better spikes. It will all be okay. Except for one person. You. You are hurting more than ever. Your body and heart begin to believe the lie that they deserve to be punished for feeling the pain. Pain is dangerous. Pain will kill us. Don’t ever allow the pain to surface. Whatever you do, don’t tell anyone about the pain. They will just add more guilt and shame to your life.
If this is you, then we need to talk. No judgment – just talk. Because there are some things that you need to hear and if you could see my eyes, it would help you believe me. This pain you are going through, it is NOT because you were a horrible child. The lies that are attached to pain are just lies. You do not deserve this pain because you believe you are stupid. You are not an accident. You are not unwanted. You are not trash.
When the pain comes, the lies come with it. The pain won’t destroy you, the lies might. Do you have a safe place? Do you have someone to wrap their arms around you and help you reject the lies? No judgment – just grace and love. Let yourself be honest about the pain. Was your childhood a nightmare that you felt responsible for? Just let the pain hit you. It’s okay; I know a rock that won’t let you get washed away. That childhood pain was not your fault. The abuse that happened to you – that was not because you were a monster and deserved it.
Maybe you are just fine with avoiding the pain. You have life together. I need to tell you something. Pain can always run faster than you can. You might be okay for the moment but it will probably find you.
There is also something else I want to share with you. This is my favorite part. There is freedom waiting on the other side of the pain. Life is so much better on the other side.
Find a safe person.
Don’t hide from the pain.
Don’t keep hurting yourself.
Walk through the wall of pain.
It is worth it.
Freedom is waiting.
The Good Father is holding you.
Let it go.
~Your sister, Hope