Walls

hallway with window
Photo by Jimmy Chan on Pexels.com

You don’t see the broken dreams or my broken heart. My smile has grown cold, my heart has become hard, I’ve placed my hope in something other then you. You’ve had your chance and God only knows if he’ll give you another one because I’ve given you over to him.

I don’t need you in my life.

You can’t complete me.

You can’t fix me.

I’m done with not being good enough.

These prison walls are caving in around me but let them fall. If they kill me I’ll fly away.

But they won’t.

They can’t.

It’s a prison of my own mind, my own conscience.

I hate this place but refuse to leave,

I hate my life but refuse to die.

I won’t trade my life for any other and I won’t leave this life because it’s all I got.

If you could see what I’ve been through, if you knew the hell that I crawled through maybe then you’d understand why you’ve got what you got when you took me in to your heart.

Why I smiled but turned away, why I laughed and walked away. Why I turned you down when you came for me. I thought I loved you but it turns out I didn’t.

I cry at night when I think of us then I give you back to God where I got you from.

I think its settled and done and it hurts like hell but you aren’t mine and you never were.

You were like a trick that was played on me to show me exactly all that I’m not.

I’m angry because I’m all alone but I’m shutting the doors so no one can come in.

It’s safer that way.

Because people hurt.

These prison walls are my only friends, maybe this is what I was created for.

Maybe this is all I’ve got.

God’s given me the key, but I doubt it would fit and I won’t try it because it may just be another trick.

I’m sick of being here but it’s safer then hoping so here I stay. At least my heart is as broken as it could ever be this way.

This way is the only way I’ve got.

-KD

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